Elf on the Shelf? More like Prick on a Platform

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A new American Christmas fad is slowly creeping across the UK, and honestly – I don’t like it.

Elf on a Shelf seems to be taking the UK by storm, and I’m baffled as to why. For those who have never heard of Elf on a Shelf, it’s essentially a horrific plastic bastard, sent ‘From Santa’ to monitor a child’s behaviour. Each night, it inexplicably flies back to the North Pole to ‘report’ on a child, and then comes back the next day and assumes a new position somewhere in the house for the children to find it. This is usually made a little more ‘interesting’ by the Elf being somewhere it shouldn’t, perhaps being a bit cheeky or naughty. It’s not designed to be a toy, a child touching it will apparently make the Elf loses its magical flying bollocks and won’t be able to report back to Santa.

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So basically it’s a bribery tool, with a kitsch cutesy twist.

Urgh.

I understand that the threat of being on Santa’s bad list has been something that has been around for many years. Even in the past with G, I’ve had to ‘phone up Santa’ to report bad behaviour (usually making her stop whatever he was doing immediately), this just seems to add ANOTHER layer on to the lie of Santa. Honestly, I don’t want J to grow up with another fictional character in the arsenal that us parents already have, especially not one that’s been thought up by ‘Santa’s Team‘. Essentially three grown women who obviously make a tonne of cash over their creepy little creation. You can get clothes and accessories for the plastic faced f*ckers too, heck there’s even a DVD and BluRay too – it’s nice to know someone is getting rich off Santa and his elves.

Also the fact that parents put the Elves in ‘naughty’ places or poses seems counter productive, you’ve got something monitoring bad behaviour, that’s up to no good itself?  Weird.

The look of them too, they give me the creeps, I imagine they do come alive at night, either to harvest your organs or gradually steal your soul – or rummage through Mum’s knicker drawer.

The general consensus seems to be a bit ‘Marmite’ – either you’re a household that’s on board with the concept, or you’re not, there’s not much middle ground. I did ask people to tweet their thoughts on the soul stealing midgets here are a few -

I will never get the concept of an elf who is sent to watch children’s behaviour then being naughty itself. There, I said it. – @kateab

@kiphakes A friend on fb is doing it and uploading pics everyday. I don’t understand the logic in it really. I wouldn’t do it. – @AFatKindaThin

@kiphakes I think for some parents he’s just a bit of Christmas magic, for others its a stick to beat kids with. I don’t do him, creepy elf - @kykaree

@kiphakes our elf is well behaved just moves around, the children love looking for him in the morning. Got the DVD which they enjoy too - @FBishWife

@kiphakes A way for parents to manipulate children into behaving. A bit like ‘Old Nick’s listening’ my MIL likes to say to the grandkids. - @EvelineTimeless

@kiphakes I’m on the fence. Not bothered either way. - @genuineplacebo

@kiphakes They’re a bit ugly & take up way too much time. If I had the time, I couldn’t be bothered. Don’t mind seeing others creativity tho - @ETusty

So a bit of a mixed bag – obviously I can’t berate anyone on how they choose to get their kids in the Christmas spirit, but I just can’t get on board with this. It’s all a bit corporate for my liking, obviously you don’t have to buy the official doll this is a slightly less scary / creepy / soul stealy version @FBishWife has one that looks a little kinder .

I wonder if this will become a real ‘thing’ that snowballs (ha!) each year, or will slowly die out in favour of some other corporate wizards trying to fleece you out of money another way.


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I'm a 31 year old Essex boy, Married to L, Daddy to G and J. I'm a Former Miss World, Olympic Gold Medallist, X-Factor Finalist and compulsive liar.

7 Comments

  1. Anne

    2013/12/09 at 2:23 pm

    I’m on the shelf with this, obviously not alongside this elf. He is rather ugly, but I’ve seen cuter elves and thought that it might be nice to have one sitting around watching over the household and making naughty kids think about their behaviour. If I had one, he wouldn’t be reporting back to Santa or stealing my kids souls, or even my knickers! And he wouldn’t be naughty, we save all the naughtiness for the Little Man, who couldn’t be good if he tried (no presents for him then!)

  2. Misty Bird

    2013/12/09 at 6:09 pm

    I don’t care what anyone says.. That elf looks like a pervert. I don’t understand the hype of it either, but that’s probably because I know it wouldn’t work in this house. *shrug*

  3. Tom Briggs

    2013/12/09 at 10:24 pm

    I’m not keen either. I will admit to threatening to phone Santa to tell him if my sons are behaving badly, but this takes that kind of thing to another level and there’s something really quite menacing about them. My older son has nightmares about the most benign of things – a rabbit squeaking at him, for example! – so telling him that there’s a short arse watching his every move and going to grass him up to old Saint Nick would be disastrous. Not for us!

  4. Annie Robb

    2013/12/13 at 6:43 pm

    hoorah, at last the voice of reason, I am actually horrified by this Elf on a Shelf business, poor little ones thinking they are being watched by a plastic thing, I’d be having nightmares about Chuckie from Magic again *shudders*. Just another layer of lies to our children to unravel and explain when they are older, I fear backlash!

  5. Sammie Hodges

    2013/12/13 at 6:53 pm

    I am not a fan of dolls or doll like things. They creep me out. I could not have this in the house. Plus I agree with you on the elf doing naughty things, it totally defeats the object.

  6. Liska (@NewMumOnline)

    2013/12/14 at 7:11 pm

    I bet they contain a small CCTV camera or some such Big Brother shite! Scary scary things, but I have a little inkling I may not be able to resist next year. I’ll have to fling it in the washing machine to kill its possible eletronics though…. Bit like those weird Olympics mascots with one all seeing eye!

  7. Pingback: My kind of Elf on a Shelf... | Lozzie Hakes

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