It’s your kids, Marty, something has gotta be done about your kids!

This post has been pinging around in my head for months now, it’s been drafted out a million times over, I’ve been hesitant about writing it, because it will probably upset a lot of you. Just remember, before you get all judgemental on me, remember, I’m entitled to my opinion, you’re entitled to yours, if you strongly disagree.. then comment!

If you think about Friends Reunited, MySpace, and eventually Facebook, there is something that hasn’t really changed across the social networks, it’s all about YOU.

Yes YOU.

You have your own profile, about yourself, you fill it with pictures of yourself and connect with friends old and new. Life was simple back then, now we’ve all grown up and it’s changed into something different. I’m no longer friends with that chap I went to school with, or that friend of a friend that I’ve known for years.

I’m friends with your kids too..

Yes, Really I am… I have teenage friends, tweenage friends, children friends, toddler friends, newborn friends.. and even – yes – foetal friends! A quick scroll through my friends list would make me look like some child friend harvesting paedo, shit, how on earth did this happen?! Do I have a sleep disorder that makes me befriend child while I sleep, like a Facebook Child Catcher? Fuck, I better hand myself in.. Hang on.

*Clicks on Profile Picture of a Foetus*

No.. Wait, I’m not friends with a foetus – that’s Paul I went to school with.

*Clicks on Profile Picture of a Toddler*

No.. This is Jane from my old job.

Ahhh, I see what’s happened now.

No longer do your profiles document what you are up to, I just get to see your beaming child, over and over. You’re telling me how much you ‘love your little *sexcrement name here* so much’, I know that *sexcrement* did a fart today, and it was charming. Thing is though. I don’t fucking care.

No, actually – I do sorta care. Don’t get me wrong, your kid sure is cute, and has a smile that could bring peace to the middle east, but I’m not into being friends with your toddler. I want to be friends with YOU. I’m not saying I’ve never posted a picture of my child, or mentioned her, I have, but it’s everything in moderation. I will guarantee at least 50% of your friends don’t care about your child, probably 50% of that lot HATE children and will never have any.

The 200 or so friends you’ve gained across the years are there for YOU – wonderful, special, unique, beautiful YOU. If they wanted to know all about your children, they’d be friends with them, or talk to you about them.

I’ve set up a ‘Page’ for our soon to be born son. Why? Well for those reasons above. It gives a place for us to share the details and news to those who WANT to know what’s happening, if they’ve had enough, they can ‘unlike’ and go on their way. I’m sensitive to my friends, I know some are going through the pain of trying to conceive, or have suffered a loss, heck even those who hate children, I don’t want to pollute their time-streams. I’m sure they don’t ‘hate’ my new son, or dislike him, but they are friends with me, not him. I am a Daddy, yes, but I am still me, that sweary socially awkward man.

I want to know what YOU’VE been upto, how YOU are feeling, what crazy, funky, cool stuff has been rocking YOUR world. Get a baby sitter, go get shitfaced, take lots of crazy photos and post them on Facebook and tag them, go retro! 🙂

Just remember, I don’t hate your beautiful little ones, I really don’t, but I’m YOUR friend, not theirs!

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  1. Bianca Kibble 21/02/2012
  2. Fragglefromtherock 21/02/2012
  3. Sonia Porter 21/02/2012
  4. EllaRalph 21/02/2012
  5. Kip Hakes 21/02/2012
  6. Kip Hakes 21/02/2012
  7. Kip Hakes 21/02/2012
  8. Tara Tiger Jane 04/06/2012
  9. mummyoftwo 06/02/2013
  10. Anne Stone 06/02/2013
    • Kip Hakes 06/02/2013
  11. Vicky Charles 11/02/2013

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