Bored of seeing all the smug perfect parents that seem to occupy the bloggosphere – here’s an ode to not being a good parent..

I’m not the perfect Dad,
We don’t partake in structured play.
I’m off my face on caffeine,
Just to make it through each day.

There’s no ‘imagination corner’,
or a library stocked with books.
Shouting in the street at my smalls,
Often leads to filthy looks.




Leaving the house sometimes,
Requires the patience of a saint.
Blackmail and bribery are used,
To stop us from being late.

I’ve lost my shit in Tescos,
And turned red faced at the park.
I make other children jump,
With my angry, grumpy bark.

Messy Play drives me nuts,
Mixed up Playdoh sends me mad.
Paper Mache is my worst nightmare,
I’m not the perfect Dad.

I pacify with YouTube,
And hours of Ben and Holly,
I find myself alone at times,
Rocking asleep a Dolly.

My son can browse on YouTube,
He’s not yet even three.
My next job is to train him,
In making me coffee.

I’m a believer in tough love,
Little scrapes just get a nod.
I might go find a plaster,
If limbs are falling off.

I referee the squabbles based on,
“Only the fittest will survive”.
I let them sort it out themselves,
I’m surprised either are alive.

My idea of a healthy meal,
Is a Veggie Supreme from Pizza Hut.
It’s got at least one of the five a day,
And will keep their little mouths shut.

My kids are pretty awesome,
They are the best I could have had.
Two gorgeous little wonders,
Despite their imperfect Dad.

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