I read  that there is a Salon offering ‘No Small Talk’ appointments for clients, where they will just get on with trimming your hair and not do the standard “Where are you going on your holidays?” routine. I’m a bit of an anti social sod at times, but now I’ve got a ‘regular’ hairdresser, I actually enjoy having a little catch up with Danielle. It’s part of the service, she remembers me, the kids, stuff I’ve said and done before, it’s like talking to a mate. I’d miss small talk down at The Strand, and I would find it weirdly uncomfortable about it if I sat in silence.

BUT

There are some occasions where small talk gets on my tits. It’s mostly in Supermarkets, one local to me has the CHATTIEST staff going and it does my fucking nut in.




Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a cheery member of staff, a smile, a bright ‘Hello!’ and quick and efficient service is all I need, I don’t want to talk to them. EVER.

The problem with a shop assistant is that the transactions occur relatively quickly, there’s no time to build a relationship, or really much of a rapport with the serving staff, it’s over so fast. That’s fine by me, I’m not popping into the supermarket to find a mate, I want my bread, and milk then get home.

Today was a great example..

“How are you today Sir?”

“I’m good thank you.” (A perfectly polite response from me)

*Checkout Operator picks up and scans my Mince Pies*

“OOOooh I see you’re getting all festive with your Mince Pies there Sir!”

“Uhuh”

*Scans Fairy Liquid*

“Oooh I like this one, can’t beat it, can you?”

“Yeah… Uhm.. It’s good”

And so on, the entire contents of my trolley was turned into a conversation piece – I was half wishing I’d picked up some tampons, KY Jelly and some Prep-H to see how his ‘banter’ would cover that…

“Oooh, lady of the house got the painters in Sir?” etc..

I’ve worked on a checkout before, and I NEVER felt the need to try and strike up such a vast conversation over their purchases, I just smiled, chatted if they spoke to me and got on with the job in hand.

Of course I’m never rude to the corporate conversation wranglers, I remember going home feeling devastated when people had been nasty to me, but really – I don’t want a ‘Directors Commentary’ on everything that passes their hands. I know that they are probably trained that way these days as it seems to be more of a ‘thing’ but – PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME!

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