10. More shopping.
We’ll see some more shopping for the big day – the Groom and Groomsmen will buy suits (probably costing more than the dress). They’ll then shop for the Bridesmaid dresses, which might not be dresses. They could be onesies, they could be costumes from a fancy dress shop, they could be a £5 garment from China on eBay or if they are lucky, a prom dress from the reduced rail in Debenhams. Much like the Bride, they’ll have no concept of the dress size of the Bridesmaid and will just buy random sizes, hoping they’ll fit. Maybe you’re also looking for unique gifts for your bride – click here.
11. The Bride is invited to their own Wedding!
Usually buffered with a scene of the Bride discussing when the Wedding MIGHT be (Ladies, it’s ALWAYS at the end of the 3rd week of filming!). The Groom will invite his Bride to their wedding. It’s either done in one of two ways. Either some kind of elaborate clue to the big day (dropping hay outside the Mother in Law’s house denotes a farm wedding etc.) or the Groom will use every ounce of crafting nous to compose a handmade invite that looks like it’s been made by the bottom set of a nursery art class.
12. The Bridesmaids get to try on their outfits.
The Bridesmaids will get some idea of the ‘tone’ of the wedding by the outfit chosen for them. Nine times out of ten, they’ll HATE them. They’ll definitely be the wrong sizes, fit or shape for one, or all of them. It’s likely the Groom will get very grumpy at the shunning of his outfits. The gobbiest of the group will likely to be taken to one side and filmed saying something like – “(Groom Name) has got it REALLY wrong, I don’t think (Bride’s Name) will be happy at all”. In the worst situations the Bridesmaids will revolt and flatly refuse to wear the outfits, there will be some cross words, and nothing will be resolved. One or both parties will just storm off.
13. The Bride gets to see her Dress.
The pivotal moment in the episode, where you can pretty much guarantee tears and tantrums. The Bride and her crew will stroll up to a warehouse, or a shady looking shop to see the Dress. It’s very normal that the Bride will go to the dressing room, see her dress and cry because it’s SO wrong. It will either go one of two ways here. Usually the Bride loses her shit, a Bridesmaid will ring up the groom, or Best Man and let rip about how terrible it is. Only to be told there is no money left and that it’s tough. Or the Bride accepts her terrible dress fate. Either way we then cut to the Bride wearing it with all the enthusiasm of a corpse approaching a cremation.
14. The Big Day – The Bride accepts her bad wedding fate.
Your Wedding Day is often very stressful, probably moreso if you’ve got literally no idea of what is going to happen. We’ll see the Bride don her horrible dress, that looks slightly better than the day before. There’s always a scene where the Bridesmaids strut in wearing their outfit. The Bride will often just roll her eyes, accepting that she is about to attend the wedding she never wanted, but thankful that Don’t Tell the Bride have bankrolled it. The Bridal Car will arrive – it’s probably not a car. It will be a tractor, bus, shed on wheels or something sillier. We’ll see shots of the Bride approaching the reception, clocking signs for the venue, and the penny dropping where the wedding is happening. She’ll grumpily go along with it because, well – she’s signed a contract and doesn’t want to have to pay for this circus herself.
15. It’s ALL just FINE.
We’ll see the Wedding, we’ll see the Reception, and then talking heads shots from the attendees saying “I can’t believe that Groom’s Name has pulled it off, it’s ACTUALLY been great!” We’ll then see the happy couple, slightly drunk and looking happy. The Bride will say something like “Well, it’s not the day I’d have chosen… but it’s been wonderful!”. They’ll playfully discuss how well the day has gone – then the Bride will most likely say, in a patronising way “You’ve done REALLY well, but you’re not going to make any big decisions EVER AGAIN!”
The show will end with a photo of the ‘actual’ wedding that took place a few days later in a registry office (the weddings aren’t usually at licensed venues).
See you all next week, at the same time for another identikit Don’t Tell the Bride.
Have I missed anything? What things have you noticed that happen in EVERY episode of Don’t Tell the Bride – Drop a comment!
