So many of you read this post the other month – if you haven’t read it already, I’d probably recommend going back, because this is the next part and I don’t like repeating myself.
I desperately looked around for a way to get myself seen for an ADHD assessment. I looked at ‘right to choose‘ and private companies. There’s a LOT of RTC providers; however, so many of them have lengthy waiting lists too. There are private companies that seemingly have plenty of capacity – but it comes at a price, from hundreds to thousands of pounds. The cheapest ones seemed to have bad reviews, or would charge heavily for medication. The more expensive ones looked great, but were probably out of my financial reach.
So, I thought I’d use my ‘content creator’ job title, forgo my dignity slightly, and turn my (hopeful) diagnosis into content so I could share my journey and how I was feeling with you. So I approached a company and offered to document my journey, and make some content in partnership with them, in return for both an ADHD and Autism assessment. Terms were agreed, a string of dates was booked, and I was finally feeling quite positive. I’ve always been honest and shared a LOT of what’s going on with me on here, and over on YouTube too, in the hope that anyone going through similar might be able to find my content and not feel so alone. So creating content from my assessments and sharing my journey could help me, the company, and hopefully you guys too.
I got sent through a handful of screening questionnaires from the company that covered both ADHD and Autism, returned them dutifully, and waited for my first appointment for my ADHD assessment.
The day arrived and I met with my assessor. However, something terrible had happened the night before. The entire company had ceased trading. Siân, my assessor, had still turned up to keep the appointment and do the assessment for me, unpaid and now, in her own time. I actually made a video on YouTube that covered what happened during the three parts of my ADHD assessment, where Siân explained each step and the purpose of it. Go watch the video, because it’s actually really good! I actually really enjoyed the assessment – it went into a LOT of depth, and I was linking neural pathways that had long overgrown in my mind. I didn’t much enjoy the QB section of it; it felt like a really frustrating computer game, but I knew it had to be done.
At the end of the assessment I asked Siân directly if I had ADHD – she couldn’t tell me there and then. There’s a strict process to the reporting, and she had to follow it all. I wouldn’t get the answer until the report landed – once again, all written and curated unpaid, in her own time and dealing with the loss of her job. People in this field are absolute superstars and we need more people like her – so Siân, if you’re reading this, THANK YOU. And if you’re not her and reading this, go give her new business a follow on Facebook and Instagram – help feed the algorithm and help her out too.
The day after I was exhausted, properly worn out. I’d used a lot of my brain the day before and boy did I feel like it. I spent most of it on my back, watching YouTube and dozing in and out of naps. I was exhausted.
A few days later, my assessment report arrived. It was a 34-page document that covered in explicit detail what we went through on my assessment day – with this VERY clear headline:
Based on the information obtained during the assessment, it is my clinical opinion that Kip does meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD-Combined type against the DSM-V-TR criteria.
The moment my eyes ran across that sentence, I felt a REALLY big wave of emotions. I was happy that I had a diagnosis; I was relieved it was that, angry that it hadn’t been picked up before now, and sad that I’d spent so much of my life feeling like I didn’t fit in with the world. I made my way as best I could through the entire report – I think I read it about five times to try and take it all in. The level of detail was incredible. I had no idea just how in-depth it would be. I spent a lot of time in my assessment feeling like I was talking to an old friend, oversharing and being brutally honest. It was all there, all building up quite the picture of my ADHD.
I think the most fascinating part was the QB section, where my results were very telling for activity, inattention and hyperactivity – it was all there in graphs and numerical data. It was fascinating (once I’d got my head around it!).
I’ve had my report for a few weeks now, and really feel quite calm about the diagnosis. Little Tetris pieces in my mind have been slotting together and it’s actually been quite nice. I don’t feel like I’m mentally ill, or losing my mind any more. The report made some recommendations about some further help, and things I can do – which I’m starting to implement. It also recommends I seek an autism assessment. I’ve always wondered if I’m batting for “Team ‘Tism”, and it feels like I probably am. That’s not an immediate concern if I’m honest – what is a priority for me now is trying some medication.
Whilst the diagnosis is reassuring, and helps ease my mind, in practical terms, it doesn’t make things easier. I’m still sleeping badly, I’m inattentive, my mind is constantly FLYING, and I am struggling with work, home life, and just generally ‘being’. So I am taking steps to find out if medication will help me. It doesn’t help everyone for sure, but a lot of my friends who take it find some relief in it. That’s probably a story for another day – I’ll keep you posted!
So yes.. that’s roughly where I’m at – thank you to all the lovely people who have checked in on me, and those who have shared their stories with me. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, and cool to know so many of my readers and watchers are just like me.
