It’s felt like its been an age since I’ve written something that I’ve wanted to write – and not fulfilling a commitment to a PR person or company, and I’ve been a bit crap with that too to be honest!
So, what’s happened?
I think I’ve fallen out of love with blogging and social media really – I try to write, but I can’t – I even go to tweet, and I struggle to get to the end of 140 characters before thinking “who cares?”. If I don’t, surely the people reading it won’t either. I don’t really want to play out every aspect of my life in public, I don’t want the nod or acknowledgement from people who hardly know me, I want my time to be taken up with stuff that matters to me.
I’ve hidden in Facebook a lot recently, it’s closed, it’s selective and it’s mostly full of people I like, and I know (aside from the odd car crash of characters that I keep for my amusement). I’ve also taken the decision to lock my Twitter and Instagram account – I want to use social media differently, perhaps privately – not for any other reason than not wanting everything up for sale, analysis or consumption.
It’s making me feel happier in myself and I’m enjoying the privacy. My phone is staying more in my pocket and I’m getting my head down and concerning myself more with work, and the kids. I’m not feeling the urge I once had to tweet every conscious thought and it’s lovely having a quieter life.
Obviously the lock down has negative effects, working with brands is harder, as they won’t see me (unless they are following) and people retweeting my stuff isn’t possible, but frankly, I don’t care – it’s a small price to pay really.
I’m trying to become less lazy and more disciplined with myself and work – I’ve re-branded / re-imagined my company into ‘Three Fishes Design‘ and working when I can on getting the shiny new website for that up and running. It’s very close to launching and I can’t wait – it feels like a fresh start and a new chapter. Instead of being a ‘jack of all trades – master of none’ I want to channel my creativity into a more structured way. I’ve been lazy and complacent with work for years – that has stopped and I’m more driven to succeed and build something wonderful.
Also, I’ve finally got my first ‘proper’ writing gig – I’m becoming a regular columnist on the Essex Chronicle – it’s a local paper that is circulated throughout Essex. I’ve been given a relatively free rein on what I write about and hopefully it will become something bigger in time. My first column has been given the nod and will go out around Essex on Thursday. It’s scary, but I actually found myself enjoying writing again – I got 600 words out easily. Perhaps it’s the creative kick I need to get my blogging arse back into gear – or perhaps a sign that I need to shift in a different direction.
It’s been a funny old year, with so many changes, and no doubt a few more before the year is out, but – I feel like the dust is settling, and I’m emerging from it – older, wiser and dare I say it, happier (tempting fate I’m sure).
Where does it leave the blog? I’m honestly not sure – it will always be here, and no doubt more content will appear, but I’m not sure if it will continue to be the emotional dumping ground it once was. I don’t want to write about the crap stuff any more, wallowing and whining doesn’t help, and neither does having an online journal of my failings. I’m just as flawed as the next person, but most people don’t have a public diary listing their shortcomings and fuck ups – so I think that side of me needs taking offline for now.
Who knows what will happen in the future, perhaps there will be a massive clusterfuck that I feel the urge to share, or perhaps, maybe, just maybe life will go on, quietly, peacefully and perhaps happily?
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