Relax

Something that I dislike about myself is my inability to relax. I just can’t do it. Actually – now is a prime example. I could sit in my PJs watching Pointless (which incidentally has Mr Bloom and Dick and Dom on), however – my mind won’t let me do that. It’s been nagging at me all day to sit and write something.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I properly relaxed.

I think part of it is being self-employed – I’m very aware that if I’m not working, I’m not earning. It’s definitely a good thought to keep in the back of your mind, money is a wonderful motivation. However, it’s not just thoughts of needing to work that occupy my mind. This morning Miss A went to get her hair cut. I had absolutely no reason to get up. I could have lounged in bed, or played some XBox, or watched some of the 30 odd episodes of Judge Judy I have on the Sky box. Alas.. No.

“Kip, the dishwasher needs emptying” my brain reminded me “Then, the washing needs to go on”.

Before I knew it, I was up and dressed with the dishwasher re-loaded and the washing machine churning away.

“Better finish that bit of work off now”

I could have left it until Monday, but no.

Even when I’m away, my laptop has to come with me. I can’t leave it at home. There MIGHT be a need for it, I might need to do some work. Often it will stay in my bag, and I could have probably got away with leaving it at home. However the sheer amount of anxiety I’d feel if I did, it wouldn’t be worth the hassle. Even when I’m on holiday I don’t feel entirely relaxed unless I’m doing something. The idea of lounging on a beach makes me feel uneasy, I just can’t comprehend wasting that much time.

I’ve never really been one for lounging in bed in the morning. I’ve always felt it’s a bit grubby being in bed for prolonged periods when I’m awake (not like that!). Plus, once you have kids, that doesn’t really happen either. However, more so than ever, I just can’t relax. I don’t feel anxious. I just don’t like wasting time. Sitting around doing pointless things just feels like wasted time.

I think it might be in my DNA, my Mum is always busy and fussing making sure everyone is happy. I remember my Grandad not seeming settled until everyone had drinks when we visited them. Maybe my most relaxed state is when I’m occupied? Perhaps life is best lived by doing as much as possible?

How do you relax?