I wrote a post on Instagram the other day about my glasses. As has happened before, I realised I had a little more to say about it, so rather than leave it on Insta, I’d put it on here.
I’ve worn glasses for years. I got my first pair in secondary school – I was having trouble reading the blackboards. It was no surprise I’d need them, pretty much everyone in my family has them. We’re quite the bespectacled bunch. Let’s be honest, NHS glasses in the 90’s weren’t great – if you don’t believe me, here you go..
TBF – that ridiculous style of face wear is back in style now (so is the hair actually). Getting the glasses was a big deal to me – I wasn’t exactly one of the cool kids, nowhere near, and to then need to rock a pair of glasses too – it’s a big deal. I didn’t wear them all the time to start with, I quietly slipped them out in lessons, did my work, and put them away again. However, it got to the point where I was needing them more and more, my eyes seemed to be getting worse. I was a full on nerd.
I HATED them.
But, I needed them, I couldn’t work without them, I couldn’t SEE without them. It was a necessary evil.
I wasn’t full of confidence, I appeared that way. I’d be a bit of a clown, a gobshite, but inside I was a wreck. (Nothing changes!) However, wearing glasses chipped away at the small amount of confidence. I wanted a girlfriend. That’s what teenage boys did – they had girlfriends. My extensive knowledge of TV and Film taught me one important thing.
Nerds don’t get girlfriends.
They were wrong. I DID get a girlfriend. We went on a date to the brand new ODEON cinema, it was Valentines Day. I got her a silver heart pendant from Elizabeth Duke (£3.95) she got me a Walnut Whip. It was DEFINITELY love. It all went well, and when the film ended, I made my excuses and cycled home. I knew we were probably meant to kiss at the end of the date. I couldn’t. I had mental images of me slicing her face with my glasses, or they’d somehow poke her eye out. She was my girlfriend for a few weeks. We didn’t ever kiss though. Those face slicing fears never left my mind. I was dumped for a boy that would do all the things a teenage boy should do.
Similar happened with my next girlfriend. It got to the point where her best friend forced us into some bushes and demanded we didn’t leave until we kissed. A first kiss is a tricky thing anyway, moreso when you’ve no confidence, scared of mutilating your girlfriend, and someone screaming “JUST BLOODY KISS HER!!” whilst you’re in a bush.
If you’re wondering. I didn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. I failed. Once again I was binned off for another boy who was actually able to perform even the most simple of romantic acts.
You’re probably wondering – “Why didn’t you just take your glasses off?”
Excellent point. However, I didn’t want them to become a ‘thing’, I wanted to kiss with them on. I didn’t want these romantic moments interrupted by the aggressive snap of a glasses case.
It came to the point where I had to wear the bloody things the whole time. The massive plastic monstrosities took over my face and my life. I couldn’t stand them.
Thankfully, things improved – I had my first kiss, I had a girlfriend. I learnt that it’s possible to kiss with glasses on without facial disfigurement to either party. I never liked the glasses, but I tolerated them.
Even though the glasses are a part of the ‘branding’ of this site, and I wear them most of the time. Generally, if you see anything of me online – it’s usually without them. If I film, I wear my contact lenses – if I take a selfie, or a photo, I’ll take them off. I’d just prefer the ‘world’ to see me without them. They make me feel like that nervous teenager, I feel ‘weak’ in them. Even daft things like wearing them in the rain, and them getting all wet and smudgy. I need them – I can’t just pop them off – well I can – however everything is smudgy. I worry I might get mugged or attacked, and have them knocked off my face – and then be even more useless at defending myself.
I know it’s daft – I know it’s ridiculous. I just can’t shake it.
However. I’m going to try.
I can’t escape the fact I’m going to need glasses forever – I will. Sure, I can wear contacts lenses, and I will probably do so (especially for going on rollercoasters). So I am going to admit defeat and try to embrace them more. I’ll try not to whip them off for photos, and accept they are part of me. I think I want some new ones, maybe something a little more modern (or retro as they seem to be). So after 25+ years I need to put the glasses demons to rest and admit to myself that I can look okay in glasses – occasionally.
Either that or get them lasered..