I’ve done some stupid things in my time, like the time I played with electricity . But I think one of the true ‘life flashing before your eyes’ moments occurred about 5 or 6 years ago on the M1.

It was the middle of the night and I was heading back to Essex, at the time the M1 had a large amount of roadworks from Junction 10 to Junction 6, with an annoying 50mph average speed limit throughout. The roads were empty and I was happily pootling along a controflow section at a steady 50mph.

From behind I noticed a lorry driver approaching fast, and within seconds he was tailgating me, the contraflow went on for several miles and I had this lorry stuck on my bumper. He was honking his horn and flashing his lights, obviously encouraging me to speed up, not wanting a £60 fine and three points I kept at 50mph.




Then I had an idea..

I was going to show him just how dangerous it was to tailgate by making my brake lights come on, I wasn’t actually going to brake, just make the lights come on.. I couldn’t actually brake because I’d have got several tonnes of Lorry in my boot, I’d just make my brake lights come on some how.

Then I had another idea..

I’d carry on with my right foot on the accelerator and gentle tap the brake pedal with my left foot, just enough for the lights to come on, but not so hard to make the car slow down.

I positioned my left foot on the brake and tapped.

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In a split second, the car screeched and instantly decelerated, the whole car was flooded with heaven-esque light as the lights from the lorry lit up the inside.. I screamed but nothing would come out, the lorry was millimetres away from crushing the car, my left foot leapt of the brake and I floored the accelerator to get my speed up. I shut my eyes for a split second, waiting to die in a hideous mash of metal.. Then was the sound.

‘HAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!’

I realised the car was gaining speed, the lights of the lorry weren’t as close, and the lorry driver was punching his horn! I’d survived! I was shaking with adrenaline, utterly petrified at what had just happened, I really could have died. I felt sick. My body auto-piloted its way back to Essex, my mind racing with ‘what ifs?’. I don’t think I slept at all that night, I was a buzzing wreck!

I’m a fucking idiot.

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