FYI – This has swearing in, and it’s not ME doing it.

Do you know, I really hate Football.

I struggle to understand the joy and excitement in spending 90 mins kicking a bit of inflated dead animal around, it’s just baffling. I can’t really understand the passion that football fans have for a lot of spoilt millionaires who are able to sometimes put a ball in a net. I just don’t get it!




I’ve always been very indifferent with the game, even at school I had no interest. I picked a team (that most of the boys in my class liked) – West Ham – I still never had any clue what league they were in, or who played for them BUT if anyone asked I was a West Ham Fan. That sounds better than saying ‘I don’t like football’, I was branded ‘gay’ and bullied at school because I got on with the girls – I’d have got it worse if I didn’t have ‘a team’.

I’ve often wondered if I am strange for feeling like this, most men I know, even those who don’t like football have some vague idea of players, leagues, managers etc. I’ve only got the knowledge that I’ve gained from listening to the news really, I couldn’t tell you a single Arsenal player or who manages Everton – it’s just so off my radar it does pain me at times. On Saturdays and Sundays during football season my Twitter and Facebook come alive with amatuer punditry and moans about ‘the beautiful game’

‘We were robbed! That was  a penalty!!!!!! #COYI’

‘If I were in charge I would have taken Ian Player off in the second half and replaced him with Tony Player, we’d have DEFINITELY won then’

Etc.

There is so much passion and mostly anger about who did what, or how ‘we’ played. I struggle to get excited over a lot of things that aren’t my children, theme parks and food, but the degree of venom people throw at each other over Football just blows my mind. I live near Chelmsford City’s Football Ground, and their training pitches on match days I do love hearing the cheers from the ground when Chelmsford have scored – hundreds or thousands people cheering together is a wonderful sound.

The bad aspect of living so close are the training pitches, which are also used by amateur leagues, I’ve often wandered past with the kids while games have been played and the anger and swearing of the players and people watching is incredible. Don’t get me wrong, I love swearing but it’s a time and place thing – I wouldn’t be shouting ‘caaaaaaaaaannnnnnt’ in Legoland, but walking past the pitch yesterday I was treated to some lovely language.

“FUUUUUUCKING HELL REF-ER-EEEEEE THAT WAS A PENALTY YOU CAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNT”

“THAT WASN’T OFFSIDE YOU FUUCCCCCCKING TWER-AT”

It wasn’t even being said in a jokey way, it was being hollered by angry, red faced middle aged men, probably most of them parents themselves in full earshot of any passing kid. I hate the fact that any little ears can be subjected to hearing that kind of abuse in that tone just by wandering through a park. How can people be so furious and angry over a sport?  No one has died, your team hasn’t got its own way, just shut up and get on with it.

Am I strange for not appreciating football? Is there something I’m missing?

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