Bloggers are ten-a-penny. We’re like cancer, 1 in 3 people in their lifetime will experience a Blogger – sadly, there’s no cure.

Bloggers tend to be in a multitude of demographics, although Men are still very much in the minority *waves #MorePenis flag*, but basically, if you’re a brand, looking to work with a blogger – you’re in luck, there will be someone to peddle your wares, from Holidays to Soap, there’s a blogger waiting for you.

Rising from the pit of Bloggers are those who take themselves VERY seriously, they aren’t JUST ‘a blogger’ – oh no, they are a PROFESSIONAL Blogger!




I’ve had several introduce themselves to me as ‘Professional Blogger’, and I’m not sure if I’m meant to drop down and suckle on their shoes (that they haven’t paid for), or bow ceremoniously before them.. I don’t do either, I just smirk and say – “Oh… Right!”

Thing is, there’s no such thing as a Professional Blogger – it’s not a ‘thing’, heck if we’re added ‘Professional’ onto stuff we do everyday then sod it I’m a Professional Tea Maker. Oh yes, my brews are renowned throughout the homes of the land, where others are trying to get the Milk / Hot Water balance right, I nail it EVERY, SINGLE, TIME. I’m a Professional!

I’m not, I just make good tea.

What constitutes as a ‘Professional Blogger’? Well, I’m not really sure, they don’t often have a proper job, and are generally ‘kept’ – which enables them to go to the opening of an envelope, and even demand to be paid to show their faces too. Which is ridiculous, because for every one of these penises they invite, they could probably invite 10 ‘normal’ Bloggers, those who don’t need a separate room for their egos, and could write more convincingly and passionately about the brand. Most of them are Class A narcissists who will tell you they ‘work hard’ at what they do, they wouldn’t understand ‘working hard’ if it trod on their toes. The hardest working bloggers are those who HAVE jobs, HAVE families and still somehow throw some stuff online. Floating around Twitter and Facebook setting your followers on people that disagree with you whilst setting up your DSLR for an over filtered picture isn’t hard work.

Being a ‘professional’ you’d think many would have writing nous, but no, generally any blog written by a professional will generally sound like one of those bits of writing hungover teachers got us all to do about our weekends when we were kids.

“On Saturday we went to a Blogging Event all my children were dressed in lovely clothes given to us by Whorecorp I wore some shoes that I got given and a dress that I got given too we drove a car that is on loan for the weekend and it was very nice and spacious I hope I get a car like this the event was good and we got a goody bag the goody bag was very good”

The best bloggers are those that just class themselves as that, just a blogger, someone shouting into the ether in the hope that someone will stumble across their stuff. Those with a handful of Twitter followers that they interact with, and not timing every tweet, or caring about numbers – just hitting ‘Publish’ and seeing what happens.

Fuck the glossy photoshopped bellends, who has every single aspect of their lives up for sale to any brand.

Don’t be a Professional Blogger – just be a Blogger.

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