I’m a firm believer in blogging with honesty – it sometimes (often) makes those around me cringe – but I don’t like to be all rainbows and buttercups when I’m not feeling that way. Right now – I’m not.
I’m not depressed. I’ve been depressed before, and well, in my mind, this isn’t it. I’m down, and I do struggle at times, but it’s not the all consuming ‘black dog’ that plagued my mind those years ago. In the past few weeks there have been a collection of incidents in and around my life that have been at best a ‘challenge’ and at worst, well soul destroying. I can’t / won’t go into them, but yeah it’s been crap.
I do think some things are improving, and I’m working through them, others are looming like a massive ‘to-do’ list. I think everything will be dealt with in time, perhaps not in the order I’d like, but I’m sure it will be okay (it will, won’t it?!) I’ve tried to take some time out from it all, step back a bit from Twitter and Facebook, and here for a few days. Whilst a break is good, it’s essentially just procrastination, and well – that’s not great either.
I hate being quiet, I hate being silent, but also I just don’t really have the words, it’s like one of those dreams where you go to speak and your body can’t, I feel like that a lot. It’s making me withdraw too, I’m not really doing the blogging events as much, I don’t really feel like polite chatter or pretending to be excited over something I’m not really bothered about. I’m just kind of treading water. I am slowly trying to get back in touch with my friends because I’ve left them behind a bit lately too.
There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes that light brighter and harder than it has done for a long while, other times, it’s a dim flicker, it’s there though and it keeps me smiling.
Anyway – in an effort to try and kick my blogging arse back into touch, I want to hand my next few blog posts over to you, so below, drop me a question in the comments, and I will answer with blogging honesty. Nothing too personal, obscure or BORING, but I will do my best and make a post or two with them all in and answer them as extensively as I can, aside from that – no rules!
This is either going to brilliant or terrible. It’s up to you!